“Let’s go back to the drawing board” is a statement you would often hear when people get stuck on a project. Beginnings are important, they give you an idea of what the creator had in mind, and set out to achieve.

“And Adam said “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man”. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become ONE FLESH.

Gen 2:23-24 (NKJV)

This scripture represents the first words spoken by Adam and God and we believe that they set the tone for what a successful marriage would look like. Adam realized that Eve was him, she may have looked different, sounded different, but she was him. Then God said, “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become ONE FLESH” . The commandment to be one was all they needed. No other advice was necessary and this is still the most important advice a couple needs as they go through the marriage walk.

God’s expectation for married couples is to become ONE. ‘One’ physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially and in every other way. Couples are expected to have one vision, one mission, one goal and become one family under God. Becoming one flesh is as physical as it is spiritual.

One of the major problems that married couples face is truly becoming one. Today, you find couples who are selectively one, that is one spiritually but two financially, one physically but two emotionally. Where there is selective expression of oneness, we break away from the original design for marriage and a crack slowly emerges. Interestingly, the only way to seal up a crack is to take the two divided parts, join them together and seal it up to become one again. If you must prevent a crack, the item must always remain single! This applies to marriage too.

Becoming one flesh means ‘she is hurt, I am hurt, he is sad, I am sad, she is rich, I am rich, he is poor, I am poor’. We decide to take on each other burdens and walk alongside each other in this journey of life. It makes us wonder if ‘the friend that sticks closer than a brother’ was a reference to a married couple.

To represent this concept of oneness differently, think of two puzzle pieces, they are individual pieces with a unique expression but come together, each one nicely chiseled in the right places to form one beautiful piece. Coming together does not take away the individuality of each piece, it only creates room for the space that needs to be filled and the right fit for that space. Each piece retains its best features while giving room for the better feature that the other puzzle piece brings to make one perfect piece. To stay this beautiful, they must remain joined together.

When we discovered this truth of oneness in marriage, it changed the way we looked at our marriage. We realized that if we treated each other the way we treated our own selves, we would be more careful with our words, our actions and possibly our thoughts towards each other. It got to a point where we told ourselves – ‘if I think a bad thought towards you, I am thinking it about myself’. It felt awkward at first, but the more we kept at it, the more it began to feel normal. This did not stop quarrels or misunderstandings from happening in our marriage, but it certainly helped us feel more comfortable when we had to make the first move at reconciliation. The realization that ‘you are me and I am you’ – one team, has helped us grow and adapt our approach to marriage.

When we counsel couples before marriage, we would often tell them that they are going to receive a lot of advice from different sources concerning marriage. We encouraged them to measure the advice and weigh it on the scale of Gen 2: 23-24 and if it falls short of the principle of oneness, it should be discarded. Any advice that doesn’t move you towards achieving oneness in marriage, goes against God’s foundational principles of marriage no matter how well intentioned.

For your walk in marriage, the first step is understanding that you both have become one. Working to fully achieve oneness is the next step in the process and it take continuous and intentional effort.

Though, we may never fully understand the complexities of what it takes to become one, but we can summed it up this way – I am everything She is, and He is everything I am. This is what happened the day we are joined together in Holy Matrimony.

We pray that God will help us identify areas that we need to work on to move towards becoming one with our spouse and give us the courage to take those steps so that we can fully enjoy what he had in store when he designed marriage.

We love to hear from you, Pop a question or share a thought. Through out this series, we will be responding to every question. Don’t forget to like, leave a comment, and tell a friend. Thank you


  • Anita Udom

    I once had a conversation with a guy about being open minded with his wife, he said not when it involves money, that he can never disclosed the exact amount of money he has or earned to the wife. I can’t help but to conclude that Oneness isn’t in the dictionary of many African’s men especially in Nigeria. People tends to follow pattern than what is written in the word of God. Thank you sir/ma for this wonderful piece

  • Omolola Oni

    Oneness is bedrock of a great and successful marriage or let me say is like a blue print for a blissful marriage.

    Oneness also help in the place of agreement 🤝 especially when the couple needed to get things done . I can testify to this in my marriage.
    One soul, One mind and One vision.

    Thank you so much sir/ma for this thoughtful series
    This is more of a added advantage to me.
    More Grace to you both.

  • Anyanwu Justice

    Most times we feel an information may not go down well with our spouse or wife. But the truth has just being mentioned here.

  • Uche Centnuel Iheonye

    Truth is I am of the people that have had the privilege of listening to you teach on this subject matter. You imparted me so much that I almost called you 2 days ago to ask if there’s a limit to what I can tell my wife. Well, I did not because I realized the answer would have been NO. If I may add, when the Bible says, “…they were naked and unashamed,” it also means, THEY BARED IT ALL; SECRETS, GOSSIPS, “PERSONAL” THINGS, FAMILY, CAREER…
    So truly, ONENESS is a MUST for every couple who seeks to please God truly.
    Thank you my Power Couple.

    • Thelma & Idorenyin

      Thank you for your comments Uche, indeed you are on the right track. Keep it up!

  • Faith Patrick

    Thank you so much for the lesson. So since becoming one is a journey as you have said, can you please give us practical steps couples should take to attain this journey of being one and to be successful at it? Thanks in advance as I anticipate your response.

    • Thelma & Idorenyin

      Hello Faith, we will deal with this and share some of the things we did in our next post. Stay tuned!

  • Affiong John Abakasanga

    Excellent article, As one… I realized by the grace of God that God and oneness are the best formula to keep the marriage alive and going. When oneness is achieved, the husband and wife will automatically resemble each other in all spheres of life. I have enjoyed this oneness to the the fullest in my marriage and I discovered that as a couple we get glued to each other every time. Whatever affects me,affects my husband. And my husband happiness is my own joy and happiness. So for the past 11years of my marriage has been a BLISS in all honesty.

    So for any couple seeking oneness in marriage, the first step is to become one with Jesus Christ, accepting Him as your Lord and saviour and surrendering totally to his will. When this happens, God becomes the Only Person who pilots the marital journey.

    But my Pastor, I have a question? Why do tongue speaking and demon casting Pastors beat up their wives? And some even go as far as having extra marital affairs. Please what could be responsible for this?

    Looking forward to read your response. Thank you so much for your write up. God bless you richly.

    • Thelma & Idorenyin

      Honestly, the simple answer to this is sin, lack of self discipline and unwillingness to deny self. An appreance of spirituality is not necessarily spirituality. Christians are not Church goers or Pastors, Christians are those who follow Christ in word, and action. At the end, everyone will give an account of life spent here on earth.

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