“Let’s go back to the drawing board” is a statement you would often hear when people get stuck on a project. Beginnings are important, they give you an idea of what the creator had in mind, and set out to achieve.
“And Adam said “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man”. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become ONE FLESH.Gen 2:23-24 (NKJV)
This scripture represents the first words spoken by Adam and God and we believe that they set the tone for what a successful marriage would look like. Adam realized that Eve was him, she may have looked different, sounded different, but she was him. Then God said, “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become “ONE FLESH” . The commandment to be one was all they needed. No other advice was necessary and this is still the most important advice a couple needs as they go through the marriage walk.
God’s expectation for married couples is to become ONE. ‘One’ physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially and in every other way. Couples are expected to have one vision, one mission, one goal and become one family under God. Becoming one flesh is as physical as it is spiritual.
One of the major problems that married couples face is truly becoming one. Today, you find couples who are selectively one, that is one spiritually but two financially, one physically but two emotionally. Where there is selective expression of oneness, we break away from the original design for marriage and a crack slowly emerges. Interestingly, the only way to seal up a crack is to take the two divided parts, join them together and seal it up to become one again. If you must prevent a crack, the item must always remain single! This applies to marriage too.
Becoming one flesh means ‘she is hurt, I am hurt, he is sad, I am sad, she is rich, I am rich, he is poor, I am poor’. We decide to take on each other burdens and walk alongside each other in this journey of life. It makes us wonder if ‘the friend that sticks closer than a brother’ was a reference to a married couple.
To represent this concept of oneness differently, think of two puzzle pieces, they are individual pieces with a unique expression but come together, each one nicely chiseled in the right places to form one beautiful piece. Coming together does not take away the individuality of each piece, it only creates room for the space that needs to be filled and the right fit for that space. Each piece retains its best features while giving room for the better feature that the other puzzle piece brings to make one perfect piece. To stay this beautiful, they must remain joined together.
When we discovered this truth of oneness in marriage, it changed the way we looked at our marriage. We realized that if we treated each other the way we treated our own selves, we would be more careful with our words, our actions and possibly our thoughts towards each other. It got to a point where we told ourselves – ‘if I think a bad thought towards you, I am thinking it about myself’. It felt awkward at first, but the more we kept at it, the more it began to feel normal. This did not stop quarrels or misunderstandings from happening in our marriage, but it certainly helped us feel more comfortable when we had to make the first move at reconciliation. The realization that ‘you are me and I am you’ – one team, has helped us grow and adapt our approach to marriage.
When we counsel couples before marriage, we would often tell them that they are going to receive a lot of advice from different sources concerning marriage. We encouraged them to measure the advice and weigh it on the scale of Gen 2: 23-24 and if it falls short of the principle of oneness, it should be discarded. Any advice that doesn’t move you towards achieving oneness in marriage, goes against God’s foundational principles of marriage no matter how well intentioned.
Though, we may never fully understand the complexities of what it takes to become one, but we can summed it up this way – I am everything She is, and He is everything I am. This is what happened the day we are joined together in Holy Matrimony.
We pray that God will help us identify areas that we need to work on to move towards becoming one with our spouse and give us the courage to take those steps so that we can fully enjoy what he had in store when he designed marriage.
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