Someone asked for practical steps to become one in marriage, our answer to that question is captured by one word ‘Yielded‘. The dictionary defines the word ‘yield’ as to give way to someone or something that one can no longer resist. Other words that can be used in its place are submitted, surrender, defer, succumb, give way. A Christian marriage is one in which two people decide to give up customs, traditions and decide to defer or give way for God’s way to rule their hearts and homes.
As part of the marriage counselling process, most couples are introduced to the legendary triangle which depicts marriage as a triangular relationship with God on the top end and the husband and wife on both sides. The highlight of the triangle is the interesting discovery that the more the couple focus on their horizontal relationship, the fruits that come because of a transformed life benefits their vertical relationship.
During our own session, our marriage counsellor made us write out a vision for our marriage – a simple statement to capture our desire for our marriage. We took it a little further by depicting a triangle on the page where we put down our vision and then in prayers, we invited God to take charge of our marriage to be. This gesture was simple but symbolic for us. We have grown a lot in our walk with God since then and we have observed that same level of growth in our marriage.
By focusing on pleasing God, our marriage was winning by default. In a conflict scenario, to please God, it was easier to know that ‘we could get angry but not allow the sun go down on our anger’, we also knew that our words were to be seasoned – so no insult no matter how angry we got. Submitting our conflicts to godly standards became a habit, and you know what happens with habits, after a while, they become you. That simple commitment to ‘yield’ kept our quarrels contained.
Most of us tend to compartmentalise our marital lives. We keep God in the living room and only give him access pass to other areas when we feel like it is convenient. God’s expectation for marriage is oneness in every area, decision making, finances, children, siblings, friendships. If it bothers you, it bothers him, that is what a partnership looks like. When you are in partnership, you only hide aspects of the business from your partner if you are up to no good. God is a visible partner which means He sees everything that is happening because He is omnipresent but he is also a gentleman which means he will only step in if you invite Him to, if you don’t, He remains a silent observer.
Yielding to God and letting your light shine in and through your relationship is a great starting point to becoming one. Give God his rightful place in your home, read His word with the intention to follow through on what it says and rely on the Holy Spirit to order your steps. When He said in Matthew 6:33 that you should ‘Seek Him first and all other things will be added to you’, emphasis on the word ALL, includes peace in marriage. You can imagine the impact that godly words, thoughts and actions will produce in your marriage. When your life is yielded, it will be easier to be ‘naked’ and ‘unashamed’.
We are sharing an inexhaustive list of actions that become easier to do with a yielded life and position you to become one:
· Spend time exploring your experiences and vulnerabilities, the more you know about each other the closer you become
· Praying on issues together as a couple and even in your personal altars
· Exchanging passwords/pins for emails, phones, social media accounts, bank accounts fosters openness and accountability
· Openly talking about income, expenses, investments, property
· Being invested in each other’s future and supporting each other to achieve all God-given potential
· Build memories together – take time out for yourself to do fun things together. Take pictures together – there is a fondness that comes to play when you watch each other grow together
· Let your relationships converge, his family and friends become your family and friends and her family and friends become your family and friends
· Portray an image of oneness to the people around you – people can see through your relationship and take advantage of it when you are divided
· Always look forward to sharing and listening to the highlights and low points of each other’s day. Give your spouse the right of first information – Your spouse should not be the last to know what’s going on in your life
· Never stop dating, husband, you need to keep chasing and wives, you need to stay chaseable
Now the floor is open, we will love to hear you share some ways that you and your spouse have grown as one.