Someone asked for practical steps to become one in marriage, our answer to that question is captured by one word ‘Yielded‘. The dictionary defines the word ‘yield’ as to give way to someone or something that one can no longer resist. Other words that can be used in its place are submitted, surrender, defer, succumb, give way. A Christian marriage is one in which two people decide to give up customs, traditions and decide to defer or give way for God’s way to rule their hearts and homes.
As part of the marriage counselling process, most couples are introduced to the legendary triangle which depicts marriage as a triangular relationship with God on the top end and the husband and wife on both sides. The highlight of the triangle is the interesting discovery that the more the couple focus on their horizontal relationship, the fruits that come because of a transformed life benefits their vertical relationship.
During our own session, our marriage counsellor made us write out a vision for our marriage – a simple statement to capture our desire for our marriage. We took it a little further by depicting a triangle on the page where we put down our vision and then in prayers, we invited God to take charge of our marriage to be. This gesture was simple but symbolic for us. We have grown a lot in our walk with God since then and we have observed that same level of growth in our marriage.
By focusing on pleasing God, our marriage was winning by default. In a conflict scenario, to please God, it was easier to know that ‘we could get angry but not allow the sun go down on our anger’, we also knew that our words were to be seasoned – so no insult no matter how angry we got. Submitting our conflicts to godly standards became a habit, and you know what happens with habits, after a while, they become you. That simple commitment to ‘yield’ kept our quarrels contained.
Most of us tend to compartmentalise our marital lives. We keep God in the living room and only give him access pass to other areas when we feel like it is convenient. God’s expectation for marriage is oneness in every area, decision making, finances, children, siblings, friendships. If it bothers you, it bothers him, that is what a partnership looks like. When you are in partnership, you only hide aspects of the business from your partner if you are up to no good. God is a visible partner which means He sees everything that is happening because He is omnipresent but he is also a gentleman which means he will only step in if you invite Him to, if you don’t, He remains a silent observer.
Yielding to God and letting your light shine in and through your relationship is a great starting point to becoming one. Give God his rightful place in your home, read His word with the intention to follow through on what it says and rely on the Holy Spirit to order your steps. When He said in Matthew 6:33 that you should ‘Seek Him first and all other things will be added to you’, emphasis on the word ALL, includes peace in marriage. You can imagine the impact that godly words, thoughts and actions will produce in your marriage. When your life is yielded, it will be easier to be ‘naked’ and ‘unashamed’.
We are sharing an inexhaustive list of actions that become easier to do with a yielded life and position you to become one:
· Spend time exploring your experiences and vulnerabilities, the more you know about each other the closer you become
· Praying on issues together as a couple and even in your personal altars
· Exchanging passwords/pins for emails, phones, social media accounts, bank accounts fosters openness and accountability
· Openly talking about income, expenses, investments, property
· Being invested in each other’s future and supporting each other to achieve all God-given potential
· Build memories together – take time out for yourself to do fun things together. Take pictures together – there is a fondness that comes to play when you watch each other grow together
· Let your relationships converge, his family and friends become your family and friends and her family and friends become your family and friends
· Portray an image of oneness to the people around you – people can see through your relationship and take advantage of it when you are divided
· Always look forward to sharing and listening to the highlights and low points of each other’s day. Give your spouse the right of first information – Your spouse should not be the last to know what’s going on in your life
· Never stop dating, husband, you need to keep chasing and wives, you need to stay chaseable
Now the floor is open, we will love to hear you share some ways that you and your spouse have grown as one.
“And the two shall become one”
One is harmony, unity, peace, calm and the only ONE that possesses these attributes, and more, is GOD.
Becoming like HIM,as couples, is simple task that needs commitment and understanding. GOD is detailed so should we. Delibrately knowing what your spouse likes, what they have passion for and dreams helps in team work in mutual accountability.
I call my wife my Support System because even when it is not convenient, she goes all out to make sure things pull through for us.
GOD as the center, is indeed the driving force; it cannot be over emphased. Sometimes you need rest but that when your spouse want to gist, Sometimes you want to watch a crucial match but she needs you to help bath the kids, the list continues.
Yielding to what your spouse enjoys, or their needs, must be carefully harnessed in line with GODS will for the home. The triangle is the strongest shape…
I totally endorse this piece and it has been worth the read. The message is so profound and I can personally attest and relate to every word. Always putting GOD first above all else and involving HIM in every aspect of our home is the wisest and best decision.
In our marriage, my husband and I have over the years made GOD the foundation and live by the following…my happiness lies in your happiness. What hurts you hurts me. Who fights you has me to contend with. Your joys and sorrows are mine to share. Your title is my title. What I am entitled to, you are also entitled to. Basically, sharing in each other’s pains and gains. While surrending and yielding to GOD in totality.
Always grateful to L&B family. I pray for more grace.
I have come to realize that most family do not understand the power of God being the center of their home. And that’s why a man can engange in fraudulent activity and the wife support it.
If God becomes the center of our home, I don’t think there would be divorce cases, infidelity, domestic violence.
I love and appreciate my wife every day. I try not to copy anybody’s pattern to run my home I believe in the partnership of the Holy Spirit.
My wife is the best gift God has blessed me with.
Thank you Pastor ID for this wonderful teaching. I subscribe to it. I looked forward to seeing more of this article again.
I have come to realise that without God in the triangle of marriage, it will collapse. And so when we got married, we both CONSCIOUSLY agreed that God is going to be our focal point, and we have been looking up to him this past 11years, and HE has been helping us.
Talking about ways we have yielded to each other to enable us become one, there are so many things like:
1. My husband sits with me to write notes of lesson when I was teaching in the school.
2. During my pregnancy, we both shared the pregnancy trauma together eg he drives me to and fro the clinic etc.
3. I joined my husband in his FOREX TRADING, ask him a lot of questions, we cry together when there’s a draw down or loss, we celebrate and jubilate when we make profits.
4. My husband is fully involved in my garri business as he does the driving for me and I do deliveries. He boost my business financially anytime I am struggling.
5. His sickness becomes my sickness and vice versa.
6. I pay his bills and he pays mine too.
7. He subscribes my data bundle and recharges my airtime and I do same for him.
8. He drops HEAVY amounts of cash into my account, but I have never dropped HEAVY cash in his account (lols). But I make sure that whatever profits I make in my business, I use the whole of it in our home. We both don’t have personal money. His money is mine, and my profits from the garri business is His.
9. We both pay our children’s school fees.
10. We talk on phone for more than 2 hours and we end each phone call with LOVE YOU 😍😍.
11. He cooks for us every Sundays and does most of the cooking in the house.
12. When our children were tender, he nursed them, by bathing and feeding them whilst I do the breastfeeding 😅. He never allowed any of our mothers to bath me. He bathed me HIMSELF when I gave birth.
13. We built our house TOGETHER.
14. We PRAY TOGETHER.
15. We eat together.
16. We bath together.
17. We take a walk together
18. We quarell and fights with our mouth when the need arises🤪😜😜 and we run into each other’s arms immediately with kisses that will settle the squabble 😍😍😍.
19. We fellowship together in the other room observing all the order of service. He still chases me around, and of course, trust me,I am still his babe and girlfriend.
20. We CRY together whenever he is leaving for work. We both become emotional unstable until after the first week at work before we come stablized.
The list is endless, 20 above is just but a few to mention.
My husband is my SOULMATE!
Thank you so much my Pastors for this wonderful topic ‘Yielded ‘. I have been richly blessed.
Have a blessed weekend!
“Yielded”, God the center of everything. One of the ways i and my spouse have grown as one, is learning to love what he loves, for instead my husband loves football and i don’t, i have to tried watching with him anytime his team plays and also rendering of a helping hands. He helps me out alot in the kitchen. Thank you Sir/Ma for this piece, the long list is of immense help.
The more yielded I am to God, the easier it is for me to become one with my spouse. Plus these practical steps listed are well detailed and easy to understand. Thank you so much Lifeandbecoming🙂